Do not approach these people.

They may claim to come in peace, but they are planning a gluten-free future for YOU.

Swinging London

Oh look, here's Santa Claus talking about Carnaby Street.

Un Homme

Here is that Frenchman.
He has stopped for a quick drink after work.
Look out. I think he's seen us.

The Things You See On TV

I was watching a documentary about The Amazing Randi, and it struck me that he looked like Philip K. Dick.
Actually he doesn't.
And, to illustrate my point, here's a picture of someone dressed up as a squirrel :

The Things You Find On Blogs

Here is a man who has had
a bone marrow transplant. 

He is glad to be alive.
A cat is looking at him.

Here is a drawing of
Princess Grimelda

and her  diminutive
friend Batesy.

This is Ms. Truth

She is telling you things.
So listen can't you.

I said listen !!!!!!

The Brickfield Woods Archaeological Dig.

These people reckon the site has been occupied since the Bronze Age.
Who knows, they may be right.

The Queen is pointing at you.

 Her Majesty considers you to be a stupidhead.

LES MISERABLES

What's the matter with you ? Don't you like your lunch ?

I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANY MORE

"I don't know who you are any more", said Brenda.
"That's not surprising", said the piece of cheese. "You never really knew me in the first place."
"You've changed", said Brenda.
"Yes, I have changed. You've taken a big bite out of me."
"What went wrong ?" said Brenda. "What we had was so good."

Once upon a time

Once upon a time they let Father Earl fly the spaceship. That wasn't very clever was it ?

I'll tell you why I don't like cats

Brenda says she's had enough and chucks Derek's wooden leg over the balcony, only it don't land on the ground, it gets stuck up a tree.
So Chas and the other bloke climb up to get the leg and Chas falls out of the tree.
He could have done himself an injury. There he is lying on his back. He's winded and he's got hold of the wooden leg, and a cat walks past. A white cat. It says "Meow".
What's that supposed to mean eh ? "Meow". What's that supposed to mean ?
That's cats for you. I don't like  them.

VEGETARIAN TEETH ARE OVER-EVOLVED

If you ask me.....

....this isn't a real donkey

Father Earl's Otherworldly Origins

While riding in a Rolls Royce Phantom with Kushtaka the big fat Devil Bear, agent Raynsford is told not to poke his nose any further into the affairs of the Green Mantid People.

Which is the odd one out ?

The Snadji Boola

1. Archbishop Hitler accosts a tree.

HI. I'm Glen Runciter

 I am alive and you are all dead.

Beware, be very ware !

KUSHTAKA may claim to come in peace. Don't believe KUSHTAKA.
He is the Devil Bear and he wants to kill you.

Kushtaka is coming. Be prepared!

With Father Earl in the former Yugoslavia

After a rowdy evening at a camping site in Kotor, Father Earl, some of our Dutch hippy friends and I decided to go "up country". A short drive but a world away from the tourist-friendly resorts of the Dalmatian coast was Titograd. It was there we sought out two old friends of Father Earl, Sveta and Gveta. They welcomed us into their dingy apartment in a grey, soulless, square building. Father Earl quipped : so this is what they mean by Communist Bloc. We drank Schnurtz, a local apricot brandy and sang revolutionary songs until we began to feel hungry. We pooled what little money we had and sent Father Earl out to buy sausages. But he did not return. Later we found out that he had spent our money on a cruise round the Mediterranean, visiting Greek and Roman archeological sites

I feel bitey.

Happy Nommy Groundhog Day!

WE ARE ALL MADE OUT OF CAKE

I AM YOUR FATHER GWYNETH

TREVOR IN THE DESERT

Trevor the Tartan Tortuga

I have no idea what this is supposed to be.

There are some things that displease me.

Caesar salads and their dressing
whippersnappers
licorice
Miracle Whip
Healthy Buffets
The Brady Bunch
sausage and sauerkraut with mashed potatoes
plaid golf pants
football
car alarms
butt cracks with saggy pants
breaded tomatoes
That song
the phone
bowl hair cuts
bangs on women with pointy eyebrows
8 shaped heads
dull orange
public restrooms
bears
Huge slobbering dogs (I hated Cujo so very hard.)
Kimmy from Full House
sports
V8 (I liked it one day but only one day.)
stew
stringy roast

Everybody should have a board with a nail in it.

SILENT WITNESS

I once  appeared in an episode of Silent Witness as "murder victim 2". I had to lie in a boat pretending to be dead while Emilia Fox poked a forensic thingy up my nose. She was supposed to discover traces of blood on the boat's gunwales, but it was obvious that there was also blood coming from my nose.  Yes, I was having another nosebleed and E. Fox was directly to blame.

MISSING CAT

 

                    Answers to the name of Snowball
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An incident

Once I was called to an incident in Boolaville. Some wombats were rampaging round an amusement arcade. That was their idea of "amusement".
They took the owners hostage and demanded a helicopter to take them back to Orstralia.
I had to stand down because I got a nosebleed.

Glen Runciter here.
I fought against the wombats in the late 70s, flying from makeshift airstrips in the jungle. It was about that time I started getting my nosebleeds. It is high time the public knew what scurrilous little bastards they are.
Wombats that is, not nosebleeds.